in which i consider dressing in monochrome to deter disaster

Do you ever feel like something really bad is coming, a terrifying, almost thick feeling of ominousness and a powerlessness to stop it? Michelle and Nate's cat Wallace felt like that three Halloweens ago when, clad in one of those last-minute what-the-hell type costumes (all red clothing, head-to-toe, purchased at a thrift store that afternoon, and red-painted face and hands), I caused him what was probably the most terrifying moment of his life. Dude puffed up like a powder ball. The tail looked like an all-feather duster. He walked sideways away from me, afraid to turn his back. Who knew monochrome could be so scary? The evening ended with the three of us sitting on the couch watching TV and eating Thai takeout, me in my head-to-toe devil garb and Michelle and Nate in street clothes. Fear basically just follows me around.

My next Tysabri infusion is on Monday. To say the first month of Tysabri has been awesome would be an understatement, if we mean "awesome" in the way of an inconceivably large skyscraper about to fall on you. Also on the docket for next week: There's been this small matter of not being able to feel half of my left hand. No biggie, but apparently biggie enough to warrant another MRI --- of the brain, this time --- and a trip to the neurologist. Gastroenterologist, gynecologist, plastic surgeon, neurologist ... I'm really making the rounds this fall. It's just that I would hate to discriminate.

Motions thus carried by the court of Abby and me, regarding the upcoming procedures:

1. The Tysabri will not put me in the hospital. (Abby: "Aye" Me: "Aye" Abby: "The motion carries!")

2. The MRI technicians will not fuck up my arm like they did last time, rendering it useless for a short time, or, possibly, forever. (Reprise ayes.)

3. The MRI will reveal that there is nothing wrong with my brain at all, save my inability to solve complex math problems and my 85%-of-the-time poor taste in men. Most especially not wrong with it will be PML, the brain infection that kills you, rendering you --- unsurprisingly! --- pretty much dead. (Ayes.)

I'm so glad that we live in a country where we can make our own justice system.