i think this is what some writers call "foreshadow"

In an hour, I am about to go give a reading. Except I have a fever, one of my legs is swollen, and both have broken out in what appear to be either hives or a spur-of-the-moment celebration of the earth and its many topographies. I'm limping around like an idiot, and the fever appears to be going up rather than breaking. The good news is that I appear to know what I am going to read, at least. Or, I appear to know what I am going to utter lifelessly, given the fact that when I tried to speak just now, on the phone, a fey sort of croak came out.

I hereby call upon my former self, who constantly appeared in places she should not have when she should not have, giving face for all the world of being a totally normal person of totally normal health, to step up and represent tonight. Self, you lectured on 200 calories a day! Come on, self! You have shown up in countless venues --- family parties, friends' birthdays, work, planes, trains, automobile, with a giant fake smile on your face and gotten away with it. One more smile, self! And make it look realistic.