For my birthday, Michelle and Nate gave me The Writer's Complete Crime Reference Book, copyright 1993. The word CRIME is in enormous font on the jacket. CRIME, people, CRIME! The beginning of the blurb?
"You're about to commit a crime -- on paper that is." Oh, how true. How true that is.
I decided this was a perfect book for me, since I am definitely going to jail at some point, although I'm not sure yet for what. "This will help me decide on a crime to commit, and how!" I announced cheerfully. They explained that the idea was that if I ever wrote about a crime, I could look inside and use the book as a reference. How will I ever get to jail now?
I am supposed to be in Maryland at this very moment, imminently on my way to Virginia to C & P's wedding. But where am I? At the Fort. All of my friends are going to C & P's wedding. Am I going? No. I am not going. Now that I am definitely not going, I have begun to convince myself that maybe, if I had gone, I could have lain in the grass beside the ceremony and watched from the grass; and I probably could have stayed up for a whole night, especially if I didn't eat or drink anything too challenging, and maybe I could have napped in the bathroom!; and I'm sure I could have driven from Maryland to Charlottesville -- I could just park and nap by the roadside... I'm sure I could have napped by the roadside...
What a douche I am. I am just not going, huh. Maybe I could go to jail for that! Things are looking up.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
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3 comments:
because i also just read the comment you left me, i now have an image of the Masked Bandit; stealth menace of BART, book in hand.
now that you mention it, ragamuffin, i have already committed a heinous BART CRIME: the fearful coffee-on-BART CRIME, several times over. and you bet i will be masked from now on, now that you've given me the go-ahead.
i picture you on the bart in a hamburglar costume. it is a pleasing image.
you will be very much missed this weekend.
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